After every storm, there's a rainbow.. <3

Today was a slightly better day, although I wasn't having a great morning.. My car got fixed! Yay! Kimmay was totally there for me to give me a hugeee hug when I needed it the most, and I'm glad she was there to listen, even if it was just for a while.. Then after Kel came home from work, we went SHOPPING! I bought the amazinggg dress that I'm wearing to graduation on Tuesday! Woohoo! It looks fabulous on me, and I can't wait to rock it with my BCBG stilettos hehe.. Then I met up with my favorite people everrr.. They always manage to make me smile, which is just amazing.. I love them soooooo much, words can't even describe it.. I think I'm calling it a night kind of early tonight.. <3

*me matas, cuando me miras y no me hablas..*

Is it possible to have 2 completely devastating weekends in a row that lead you to believe that nothing is ever going to be possible, no matter how hard you try? Well, I have definitely experienced this for a while..I feel like I'm trying so hard to get what I want, and there's no reaching it..It breaks my heart...wait, no..it shatters my heart..into miniscule little pieces..I just don't know what to expect anymore, especially since I don't have set standards or high expectations for anyone..

It hurts me to sit there and no talk to you, not look at you.. It really does.. It breaks my heart.. You say you want me to hate you, but I don't think that it's going to be possible.. You say your life is complicated, when mine is complicated as well.. You think you know, but you have no idea.. I guess it's too much to ask for to have someone around, someone who instead of making you feel upset all the time, is there to keep you smiling..

Idk, my confidence level just went down yet another notch.. I don't even have the strength to really smile or laugh anymore.. I just feel weak, helpless, and not worth loving.. I feel like just staying in bed all day and crying, then sleeping, and crying again.. I hate getting this way, but I'm so used to it by now, that it doesn't really phase me as much as it used to..

Talking to "lovie" yesterday, I came to realize that I'm like Charlotte (SATC)..I'm usually hopeful about love, but then I become Carrie, totally cynical because I get my heartbroken since I'm always going after the same guy.. Idk what to say..all I know is that yesterday at work, I totally broke down and started to cry, and I'm still not sure exactly why that was, although some of it has to do with how I've been feeling the past few days..

The best friend says I deserve the best, but sometimes I question it.....what's the best for you definitely can't be the best for me..I love her with all my heart, but she knows what she wants, she has her standards..I don't have the kinds of standards she has set for herself..I'm open to anything, and I manage to make myself happy with my decisions..Although I feel that sometimes I do everything all wrong..Like, do I fall too fast? Or do I show that I am available wayy to much? I don't know..

So basically, I'm a simple girl.. I don't need you to buy me things..and I don't need you to spend hundreds of dollars on me.. All I want is to be in your life, and just to spend time with you.. That's it.. I'm not perfect, I know that for a fact.. I have my imperfections.. But all I want to do is be around you, because I miss the smile that I would get on my face when I would be talking to you..and I miss how I could laugh and be myself around you..

Karma is a bitch, but I never did anyone anything wrong to deserve this curse of a life that I'm living.. Seriously.